


To All the Boys(and Girls) I've Loved Before

by ariannaeee



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - To All the Boys I've Loved Before Fusion, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-12 15:39:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16875558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariannaeee/pseuds/ariannaeee
Summary: Dan Howell writes letters when he has a huge crush. What happens when those letters are sent out? Timing is perfect when Phil Lester breaks up with his girlfriend, and him and Dan form a fake relationship to make Phil's ex jealous. Sometimes fake relationships aren't so fake in the end.





	1. Josh

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the characters in this story.  
> I did use a lot of dialogue from the Netflix movie.

The forbidden kiss. We knew that it was wrong, that he was betrothed to my sister, but if this wasn't what he wanted, then why did he come to the field of desire? Josh was stood a few feet in front of me. We stared into each other’s eyes. It was fated that we should meet like this.

“Hey,” I turned to face the voice next to me. The visuals of the field faded and soon I was back in my bedroom. “Are we hanging out or what?” Kitty, my younger sister, stood in the doorway. I set down the book I was reading, almost upset to be interrupted from the flowery fields.

“I just want to finish this chapter,” I responded. 

BANG! A loud crash came from the kitchen.

“Oh!” we heard my dad’s voice. I heard Margot’s door open, and she was standing in my doorway behind Kitty. 

“Should we go down and help him?” I asked her.

“He wants to do it himself,” she replied. “But please come help me set the table.” I got up off the bed, and the three of us headed down the stairs. 

“I hate when Dad makes Korean food,” Kitty said. “It always tastes like butt.”

“Regardless, whatever Dad puts in front of you, take a bite and say ‘mmm, just like Mom’s,’ okay?”

“I was still eating smushed peas when Mom died.”

The doorbell rang, and Margot went to open it. Josh’s smiling face appeared at the door. 

“Hey,” Josh greeted.

“Hey,” Margot and Josh shared a kiss before entering the dining room. I continued down the stairs and gave the taller boy a hug. 

“Hey,” I said, pulling away.

“Dan,” he responded.

“I’m not too late, am I?” Josh apologized. “I was trying to meditate, but I ended up falling asleep.” Margot and Kitty laughed when Dad came out of the kitchen with a hot plate.

“Smells good Dr. H,” he continued, “So, uh, what are you cooking?”

“If you just rock this back and forth,” Dad said as he cut the piece of meat on the table. 

“It’s supposed to fall off the bone,” I sassed.

“Hey, Josh, come hang on to this while I saw, would you?” Margot sighed and stood up from her seat.

“Electric knife’s in the kitchen,” she said. “It’ll have that ready in two seconds. Looks great, Daddy. I’ll be back.”

“I can’t believe we won’t get to see her until Thanksgiving,” Kitty said.

“Christmas, actually,” Dad started. “Scotland’s too far to come back for Thanksgiving.”

“Wait, are you kidding?” Kitty exclaimed. “We're not gonna see her till Christmas!”

“Look on the bright side,” Dad reassured. “ Margot won't be taking the car every day, you can practice your driving.” 

“I forgot I had to drive with Lara now,” she complained.

“Feel free to take the bus,” I retorted. I failed my driver’s test five times before getting a 75%. 

“I can give you a ride,” Josh said. “I'm not disappearing, I'm next door.” 

“Or I can drive,” Kitty joked. “And if we get pulled over, we'll switch places real quick.” 

“Top-notch idea, honey,” Dad said. Margot came back to the table with the electric knife in her hand.

“What'd I miss?” she said. 

“We were talking about what a bad driver Lara Jean is,” Kitty replied.

“Yeah, we were, but we were also talking about airplanes,” Josh started. I looked at him, confused. We weren’t talking about airplanes. “Which speaking of, I have a surprise for you.” he pulled out an envelope from his coat. What looked like a plane ticket fell out.

“Oh,” Margot’s voice went quiet as she spoke.

“You couldn't come home for Thanksgiving, I figured I'd bring home to you,” Josh looked excited and proud of himself. “It's a plane ticket. I'm coming to Scotland!”

“Look at Josh stepping up!” Dad started clapping, but the room was awkwardly silent.

“You... You already paid for this?” Margot’s voice shook.

“Yeah, I had a Google alert set for flights as soon as you decided you wanted to go to school there.”

“Why?” Margot rushed out of the house, slamming the door.

“Mm... Just like Mom's,” Kitty said as she took a bite of Dad’s food, hoping to lighten the mood.

 

Josh and Margot have been dating for the past few years, but before she even cared about his existence, he was my first boyfriend. Well, boy who was a friend. Before I even knew I was bisexual, I only had friends that were girls. I could talk to Josh about anything. We really understood each other. He didn’t care about my sexuality. 

We didn’t stop being friends after he and Margot got together, it was just different. They didn’t want me to feel left out, so they invited me everywhere, even on dates. They tried to make it as normal as possible, but I still felt like a third wheel. It's not that I wanted to steal my sister's boyfriend or anything. I was super happy for Margot. She deserves a great guy like Josh. So I wrote him a letter. I wasn't going to send the letter, it was just for me to understand how I was feeling, but really, I guess it was mainly about how sometimes I imagined what it would've been like if I'd realized how I felt about him sooner.

I looked out my bedroom window to see Josh and Margot arguing. Walking to my closet, I reached up to the top shelf that I could hardly reach and pulled out the box.

My letters are my most secret possessions. There are five total, Kenny from camp, Phil from seventh grade, Maya from Homecoming, John Ambrose from Model UN, and Josh. I write a letter when I have a crush so intense I don't know what else to do. Rereading my letters reminds me of how powerful my emotions can be, how all-consuming. And Margot would say I'm being dramatic, but I think drama can be fun.

“What are you doing?” I looked up to see Margot standing in the open doorway, interrupting my train of thought. Quickly shoving the letters under a blanket, I stood, almost tripping on the large amount of clothes on my floor. 

“Nothing!” I exclaimed. I’ve always been a bad actor.

“Your room’s a mess,” Margot walked over and collapsed on my black comforter, grabbing a white pillow and hugging it to her chest. 

“Are you okay?” I sat on the other side of the bed.

“Yeah,” I could tell she was lying. “Well, I broke up with Josh.”

“You did what?” I was shocked. Margot never even mentioned breaking up with Josh. I always thought they’d end up getting married. “Why?”

“Before Mom died, she said I should never go to college with a boyfriend.”

“But you love him!”

“I know,”

“Do you think you might change your mind?” 

“No,” she turned over to face me and sat up, putting the pillow back on the bed. “No, it’s over.” She left my room and came back a few minutes later with a cardboard box. 

“When I was packing for college, I had Daddy make a box of things to take to Goodwill. I think you should do it too. I made you a box.” I looked around my room analyzing the disorganization. Books on the brightly colored bookshelves, clothes pouring out of the dresser.

“I don’t really think there’s anything I can part with at the moment,” Margot sighed. 

“Dan, I'm leaving tomorrow. That means you're going to be the biggest sister,” I groaned. “You need to set a good example for Kitty, no gorging on chips before dinner and a clean room.” 

“Can we go back to talking about how you're sad?”

Margot says when something is no longer useful, you either donate it, recycle it, or throw it away. I always knew she felt that way about objects, but I didn't think she could feel that about a person.

 

“Now boarding flight 256 to Edinburgh at Gate 39.”

It was the next day at the airport, and Dad, Kitty, and I were seeing Margot off. We all stopped walking, and Margot stood in front of us. 

“Come here,” she pulled the three of us towards her for a group hug. 

“Hey, you need a magazine,” Dad said. “We'll be right back.” Dad led Kitty towards one of the stores in the terminal. 

“You gonna be okay?” she asked me.

“Did you have to pick the furthest college you could think of?” I pouted. “Who am I supposed to eat lunch with?”

“I think you should look at this as an opportunity to branch out, make new friends. It’s junior year! You never know what could happen.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Margot laughed and pulled me towards her. I was only a couple inches taller than her, our mom was even shorter than her, and we both got her genes. Kitty would probably end up being taller than me in a few years.

“If you need me, I’m only a skype call away,” she said, pulling away.

Dad and Kitty returned with a few magazines. Margot gave them each a hug before turning away to the gate. 

“Think she'll turn around?” Kitty asked.

“No, that's not Margot,” I responded.

“Can we have a dog now?”

“No, but that's a nice try,” Dad said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School starts back up again, and Dan has his first and second encounters with Phil.
> 
> Dan and Kitty wonder about how Margot is doing in college.

A week later, Kitty and I were starting school again. I was dressed in black skinny jeans, a red flannel, and a pair of black combat boots.

“Dan. It's only gonna take a second. Just smile,” Dad was taking his annual picture of us holding chalkboards with the grade we were going into.

“Cheese!” Kitty still hadn’t realized how cheesy our dad actually was.

“Sixth grade and junior year, can hardly believe it.” I sighed at Dad's remark

“Okay, you ready to go?” I turned to Kitty, handing our signs to Dad. Because Margot was gone, I was responsible for driving us to school. 

“One sec,” she ran back into the house, leaving her backpack on the curb. 

“Okay, just drive safe. I gotta go,” Dad gave me a hug. “You look great.”

“All set,” Kitty came back outside with a helmet on.

“That's very funny,” I said, not amused.

“Very necessary.” We got in the car and headed off to the combined middle and high school.

 

I walked in the halls looking for my new locker, different from last year. I was officially an upperclassman, and I actually wanted to put effort into school, not just get B’s and be fine with it.

“Ow!” I accidentally walked into someone. Looking up from my feet, I locked eyes with a girl, about an inch shorter than me. “Excuse you!”

“Oh my god, Gen,” I apologized profusely. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Oh,” the brunette haired girl looked me up and down, her face turning to a scowl. “It’s you.” 

Gen, Genevieve. We used to be best friends, but post-middle school, for reasons having to do with her popularity and my lack thereof, we are now decidedly not. I have a slight feeling she's also homophobic, but I can't pin anything on her.

“Cute boots,” Gen mockingly saluted. “Thank you so much for your service.”

“They’re vintage,” I responded. “But I got them on Etsy.” 

“And they’re amazing!” I turned around to see my best friend(my only friend), Gen’s cousin, Christine. “Not everybody can pull them off. Lara Jean can rock 'em!

“But for you, cuz, well, let's just say it's probably a good thing you're playing it safe with those,” she looked down at Gen’s feet, noticing her “white girl” foot wear.  
“Uggs.” 

“You know what, Chrissie?” Gen started to get angry. “Screw you, you know my feet are always cold.”

“Hey, babe,” A taller, black haired, boy came up behind Gen and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, leaning down to place a kiss on her cheek. 

“Oh, hi!” Gen kept glaring at me as she started talking to him. “How you doing?”

“I’m good, how are you?"

“Good,” Gen smirked at me, and I couldn’t help but think of our history. 

Remember Phil, the second non-recipient of one of my love letters? That's this Phil. Gen's Phil. Seventh grade, my first real boy/girl party. Everyone knew that Phil and Gen, who at the time was still my BFF, only wanted to kiss each other. 

The bottle spun, landing on Phil. 

“I can spin it again,” I said, not sure if he would want to kiss a boy. 

“You can’t cheat the bottle,” he said leaning across the circle to kiss me. Our lips met awkwardly for a split second before we pulled away. I looked over at Gen, and she was glaring at me. That was the official end of our friendship.

“So I was just complimenting Dan on his government-issued boots,” I scoffed and turned my head to look at Christine. “Come on, I see someone we need to say hi to. Bye!” Gen walked off, leaving a confused Phil standing across from us.

“She just stopped drinking caffeine for some diet,” Phil said in his smooth voice. “I think she's in withdrawal.”

“Are you sure she just doesn't have a chemical imbalance?” I retorted. 

“Right,” he awkwardly thumbed in the direction Gen walked off to and left to catch up with us. I turned to Christine still staring at Phil's back.

“Really think my boots are amazing?” I asked Chris.

“If you ask, it ruins the whole vibe,” Gen teasingly shouldered me. “Be cool. Anyway, you think I'm gonna let my cousin talk trash about you?” The bell rang, and the two of us walked towards our first class together.

 

I walked into the lunchroom, looking for a seat. I really was lost without Margot here to guide me. Walking out of the lunchroom, I walked outside to the bleachers. Realistically, there wouldn’t be anyone out here, but of course, Josh sat with his earbuds in, eating a sandwich.

“Um, is this seat taken?” I asked him. He looked up, surprised, but moved his paper bag over to the side, making room for me to sit.

“I gotta ask,” Josh began. “Did she tell you she was gonna do it? I just figure you guys talk about everything, right?”

“She didn’t tell me about this.”

“We're still cool, right?” he asked. “We can still talk and you know, kick it?” I laughed.

“Ugh... Don't say ‘kick it.’” I joked. “Yes, we are cool.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Do you want a carrot?”

“Give me a carrot.”

Josh and I really were cool. However I felt about Josh, I could never do that to Margot.

 

“The middle school cafeteria is so ginormous. Alison wanted to sit at lunch, but so did Brianna and Katy. I ended up rotating so everyone had time next to me, you know?” Kitty and I were in the parking lot after school, and she was telling me about her day.

“Yeah, I can totally relate,” I said, my voice shaking a bit. I was happy for her, really, but even my little sister had a better social life than me. I started backing out of the parking spot.

“Woah, woah, woah,” a masculine voice said from behind the car. I slammed my foot on the brakes, not even bothering to turn around to see who I almost hit. I recognized that voice. 

“Good thing I’m wearing my helmet!” Kitty joked. A knock sounded on the window next to me. I slowly rolled down the window in shame.

“Hi,” Phil said.

“Hi,” I said, refusing to look at him. 

“How you doing?”

“Good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You know people usually check behind them before they reverse to avoid killing others,” he said sarcastically. I turned to look at him. “It's a thing we do.”

“Yeah, I'm just not completely comfortable with using my mirrors yet.”

“Yeah, clearly,” Phil scoffed. “Think you're gonna be able to make it out of the parking lot?” 

“Yeah, we’re fine,” I said, hoping he got the message that he can stop leaning into the car’s window. “Really, seriously. Um, so you should just, uh, go, seriously.”

“Whatever you say, Howell,” he pushed himself off the car and pointed to my sister in the passenger seat. “You’re in charge.” Kitty smiled as he walked away.

“Who was that?” she asked. 

“That was Phil Lester.” Kitty turned forward in her seat.

“What are we waiting for?” 

“The rest of the cars to leave.”

“Oh my gosh.”

 

“What do you think Margot’s doing tonight?” Kitty and I were on the couch, watching Golden Girls. 

“Crack,” she responded. I sat up, shocked.

“Kitty, why would you say that?” 

“It’s how Scottish people say fun,” she explained. “Like, ‘you’re good craic,’ I looked it up.” I settled back on the couch, shoveling popcorn into my mouth.

“It’s weird not having her here, huh,” I said with my mouth full.

“It's weird not having Josh here, too. I miss his Blanche impression,” I sighed, almost missing Josh too. “You know, Dan, if you had a girlfriend, or boyfriend, maybe you wouldn't have to drive at all 'cause he would take us places.”

“If that's what it takes, I think you're stuck with me.”

“I dunno. What about the guy you almost killed the other day?” Phil.

“He's dating Gen.”

“So?” Kitty got up from her spot on the couch to sit facing me. “It's just that, don't you find it kinda depressing that it's Saturday night, and you're having a Golden Girls marathon with your little sister?”

“No. I love the Golden Girls, and I love hanging out with you.”

“Okay, I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad,” she started. I could tell this was going to make me feel bad. “But, Dan, I'm 11 and I canceled plans to be here tonight, and well, you're 16, and I don't think you had anything else going on, am I right?”

“That is way harsh, Kitty.”

“The truth hurts, Dan.”

What I didn’t know, was after I fell asleep, Kitty snuck up into my room, found the letters, and put them in the mailbox to be sent the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this chapter took so long to write. I had too much free time the past few weeks and just never got around to it. I can't guarantee when the next chapter will be up as I want to get further into the story before posting again :)  
> Comment if you want a new chapter sooner!

**Author's Note:**

> I'll post the next chapter when someone requests OR when I finish the whole work :)


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